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How to Deal with Toxic Words [Excerpt by Craig Groeschel]

 

Excerpt from Craig Groeschel's Soul Detox: Clean Living in a Contaminated World.

 

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Craig Groeschel

Words can devastate. Your body may remain unharmed, but your heart suffers the deadly shrapnel of painful phrases. David, who knew a thing or two about having enemies in high places, wrote that evildoers "sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows" (Ps. 64:3). Whether you're eighteen or eighty, you can probably recall the pain of someone's harsh words scalding your soul. Maybe you still hear the message from years ago, playing an endless loop in your mind, echoing inside you every day:

 

"You'll never amount to anything."
"I wish I never had you."
"You're nothing like your brother."
"I'm sick of you."
"I never loved you."
"You'll never change."

 

As devastating as these words can be, they can be offset by words of truth, hope, and love…

 

[Don't Believe Everything You Hear]

Countless times a day, when it comes to what you hear and say, you have choices to make. When you hear the words of others, you can choose to receive them as truth or reject them as lies. And every time you open your mouth to utter a word, you have the opportunity to speak life or the temptation to take it. Think back through the past few days. When you spoke to others, what did they hear? Either you aimed sharp, poison-tipped darts at their hearts, or you injected them with life-giving, God-honoring booster shots.

 

Several passages in the Bible clearly contrast the difference. Proverbs says, "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (12:18). What are reckless words? They're the shards of glass you hurl in the heat of an argument. They're the words you know you'll regret as soon as they've left your tongue. They're the bitter, painful, cancerous messages that leave people sick and hurting…

 

What are the phrases etched in your memory that have shaped your life? If you are like most people, you can recall several of the many toxic phrases that have been directed at you. They could have been innocent: "Did you mean to do that to your hair?" "Why aren't you married yet?" "I thought you would do much better than that." Or perhaps the words were intended to pierce your heart like a poison dagger… My hope is that you can also remember life-giving words spoken to you at the precise moment you needed them…

 

Take out the Trash

We obviously can't control what others say about us, but we can control what we believe.

We obviously can't control what others say about us, but we can control what we believe. Since toxic words can destroy our souls, we've got to passionately guard our hearts against them. Do whatever it takes to keep the poison out of your heart. Solomon told his son, "Listen closely to my words … Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" [Prov. 4:20, 23, emphasis Groeschel's]. With his life-giving words, a protective father warned his son to guard his heart as his life source. We must keep others from dumping their toxic waste into our water supply.

 

Delete toxic words and insert the truth.

When someone says something to or about you, train yourself to categorize the words the same way we train our kids with a game our friends taught us, Truth or Trash. Analyze the message and source before swallowing and digesting what someone else wants to feed you. Are their words true? Based in Scripture? Supported by data over time? If so, embrace them. Allow those life-giving words to minister to your soul and conform you to the image of Christ. If their words are untrue, mean-spirited, and critical without being constructive, then call them what they are — toxic waste. Reject those words. Don't let them into your soul. Take out the trash and leave it by the curb. Delete toxic words and insert the truth.

- Craig Groeschel

 

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Learn more about Soul Detox: Clean Living in a Contaminated World.

 

Suggested Posts

"That's Just the Way I Am" and Other Self-Deceptions via Craig Groeschel
Can Telling the Truth be Evil? via Lois Tverberg

 

(Some styling above is web-exclusive and not included in the text of Soul Detox.This post does not represent the views of Zondervan or any of its representatives. The writer's personal opinions are shared only for information purposes. To receive new Zondervan Blog posts in your reader or email inbox, subscribe to Zondervan Blog.)

 

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Can Telling the Truth Be Evil? [Excerpt by Lois Tverberg]

 

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(Excerpt from Walking in the Dust of Rabbi Jesus: How the Jewish Words of Jesus Can Change Your Life by Lois Tverberg.)

 

Lashon Hara, aka Evil Tongue

What exactly is an "evil tongue"? [When the apostle Peter speaks of an "evil tongue" in 1 Peter 3:8-10, he's quoting Psalm 34:12–13.]

In Hebrew, lashon hara (lah-SHON ha-RAH) is the name that Judaism gives to all types of gossip, slander, and malicious speech…

 We all can see the wrongness of slander — telling lies about others. But believe it or not, we can also do great damage to others without lying. Lashon hara doesn't just include telling lies about others. In fact, this phrase is more commonly used to describe the practice of telling negative truths about others that are unnecessary and damaging.

 

Any sentence that starts with "She is a great person, but it's annoying when she…" is always going to end in lashon hara.

Lashon hara is recounting to your coworkers about how the boss messed up his presentation. It's pointing out to your wife how poorly the worship leader sings. It's complaining to your sister that your husband forgot your birthday yet again.

Any sentence that starts with "She's a great person, but it's annoying when she…" is always going to end in lashon hara. This habit tears down friendships, demeans others, and undermines trust… ["Sharing negative information is generally only permitted in situations where people may be adversely affected if they make a decision without it. For instance, if a friend is considering going into business with someone you know is dishonest." -From Lois's footnote.]

 

Please No Lashon Hara

This sign in Jerusalem reads "Please no lashon hara." Image by Ranbar (cropped by Hidro) (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)...], via Wikimedia Commons.

 

If we genuinely care as much about others as ourselves, we will try to protect their reputations as much as we do our own.

We often justify our words with, "Well … I didn't say anything untrue!" But the Golden Rule states that you shouldn't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. If you'd be hurt and embarrassed by having your own flaws revealed, you shouldn’t share those of others.

 

Why do we gossip about others? One major reason for lashon hara is our desire to elevate ourselves by tearing others down. Paul has a solution to this problem: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (Philippians 2:3–4). If we genuinely care as much about others as ourselves, we will try to protect their reputations as much as we do our own.

 

Question for Discussion: When is it permissible to share information that would hurt someone's reputation? Leave your thoughts in a comment on this post.

 

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- Adam Forrest, Zondervan


(Images & some styling above are web-exclusive features not included in the text of Walking in the Dust… This post does not represent the views of Zondervan or any of its representatives. The writer's personal opinions are shared only for information purposes. To receive new Zondervan Blog posts in your reader or email inbox, subscribe to Zondervan Blog.)

 

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Does Fiction Lie? Thoughts on Truth and Christian Storytelling

 

“Is it wrong for Christians to … write, read or even watch fictitious material?” asked a commenter named Mukwemba on Zondervan’s Facebook page today.

Mukwemba (who permitted the use of her name here) adds some important context: some of her Christian friends do not approve of fiction, arguing this:

Fiction is wrong because it’s not true… As Christians we should hold fast to the truth and not saturate our minds with falsehoods regardless of what “good” they seem to bring about.

I’m sure Mukwemba’s friends are well-meaning, but I believe they are mistaken. I will show you why writing fiction can be an excellent calling.

 

An Editor Speaks

I sent Mukwemba’s question to my coworker Sue Brower, who is an Executive Editor here at Zondervan. Sue says:

When Jesus wanted to teach something to his disciples, he used story—Parables.  Fiction is truth in story form.  It makes concepts more accessible to the reader because the reader relates to the characters and sees themselves in the story.

I agree wholeheartedly with Sue. Let’s look more closely at the biblical basis behind these points.

 

3 Biblical Observations about Fiction

1. Fiction can help us understand, love, and serve others.

A writer (whom I can’t recall) said stories help us “extend our sympathies” toward others who are different from us. In other words, stories can open our eyes to suffering we didn’t see before. With this new awareness, we can choose to better love and serve others.

I can think of two examples where fiction is even linked to changes in public policy. Arthur Miller’s play, Death of a Salesman, portrayed the struggle of older workers so well that Miller’s story was invoked during a 1968 Senate hearing (The Adequacy of Services for Older Workers) as a sketch of the obstacles that face older Americans. Also, a novel by Upton Sinclair, The Jungle, actually influenced the passing of new health legislation for the meatpacking industry in the city of Chicago!

2. Fiction can show you truth about yourself.

Sometimes a story is a mirror. Let’s look at an example from the Bible: after King David hides his sin with Bathsheba, remember how Nathan gets through to David? Nathan goes to David and says,

‘There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

‘Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.’

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, ‘As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.’

Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: “I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul… Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites…”‘

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.” [-From 2 Samuel 12:1-18, NIV]

So if you’re reading a story and think, “I can relate to this character,” keep your eyes peeled. You may find some some fresh insight into your own motivations, maybe even sins. I’ve been given a few such “eureka” moments through fiction, most memorably from reading Douglas Coupland’s story collection, Life After God, and a short story by Flannery O’Connor called “Everything That Rises Must Converge.” These stories revealed some of my attitudes that needed to change.

 

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…And Therein Lies the Truth, by Alison Strobel

 

In this guest post, novelist Alison Strobel discusses her latest book The Heart of Memory and how it explores the difference between emotional faith and life-giving truth. Also, don't miss the Heart of Memory eBook Giveaway. Through May 2, you can download the eBook free wherever eBooks are sold.

 

One of the themes of my latest novel, The Heart of Memory, is that of the nature of truth. In this postmodern age, truth has been discussed to death—is there absolute truth, can we really know truth, what is truth in the first place? One of the most damaging realities that has arisen from this discussion is the emphasis some people place on emotion as an indicator of truth, especially as it relates to faith and religious belief. Nowadays there are some who teach that if a particular truth hurts your feelings, or doesn't feel right, or seems unfair, then it must not be true. But is this—well—the truth?

 

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things. We can all think of a time when our feelings led us down wrong, even destructive, paths, or when our emotions did not support the idea of doing what we knew was right. Relationships that are formed on nothing but feelings will crumble beneath the weight of discord or tragedy. And a faith that is contingent on feeling God's presence is a faith without the foundation of Scripture, and is likely to dissolve in the face of persecution or doubt.

 

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In The Heart of Memory, the main character, Savannah, finds her faith disappearing. Instead of returning to the unchanging Word of God, she allows her emotions—inexplicable as they are—to guide her. Sadly, this doesn't only happen in novels. I'm sure we can all think of someone (maybe even ourselves) who has turned their back on God because they let their emotions determine what was true. A life lived that way—ruled by feelings and not by truth—will always come to ruin eventually. Savannah was saved from the natural consequences of her emotions by a friend who cared enough to say, "Hey, I think you’re making a mistake." Do we have it in us to be that friend when we see someone making the same poor choice? Or do our own feelings—of fear, of pride, of embarrassment—keep us silent?

 

If you decide to give The Heart of Memory a try, I hope its examination of the true nature of truth will be an encouragement to you as you navigate your own faith. I know God gives me these stories for a reason—perhaps your own life is why The Heart of Memory was written.

 

Download the Heart of Memory eBook FREE through May 2
Download it from Christianbook.com, Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Sony.com, or anywhere else eBooks are sold. This is a limited time offer, so download it now!

 

 

About Alison Strobel
Alison Strobel

Alison Strobel writes novels that explore life, love and faith. She lives in Colorado with her husband and two daughters. Visit her at www.AlisonStrobel.com.

 


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