Update 1/3/12: The "Load Your eReader" Sale is now closed. Thank you for your interest!
Experts are befuddled by the discovery of an antique eReading device and its bizarre contents, a poem that appears to be the original version of the classic "Twas the Night Before Christmas" written in 1823 by Clement Clarke Moore. Oddities in this alleged version of Moore's poem include "reincamels" instead of reindeer, and surprisingly accurate details on a "Load Your eReader Sale" from Zondervan.
"The poem is a hoax," claims the foremost historian of eReading, Dr. Heim Pullenure-Legg. "How in blue blazes could Moore have known about eReaders, let alone a specific sale on eBooks from Zondervan, nearly two hundred years before the eBook's advent? Someone alive today must have faked the poem and the eReader!"
|The eReader was discovered inside this antique sugar plums box.|
Dr. Pullenure-Legg's logic is strong, but forensic evidence is stacking up against him. "This eReading device is certainly over 185 years old," says forensics specialist Imogene Aryfriend. "What's more, we've found DNA from Clement Clarke Moore on the touchscreen." The touchscreen in question is made of stained glass, while the body of the device is carved from an extinct species of cherry tree that was last seen in Moore's day. These facts and more have persuaded some that the eReader and the poem are authentic. But there's a loose end…
"You see how the poem's references to "reindeer" are replaced by "reincamels"? That's a dead giveaway," observes historical zoologist I. M. Knottreel. "Raincamels weren't introduced to the New World until their debut in the Ringling Bros. Circus in 1907. That's about 40 years after Moore's death, so there is no chance Moore wrote this poem."
Other explanations abound. "It was time travel!" says the speculative philosopher known as Bo Gus. "Moore predicted the future," asserts philosopher Jacque Fraidso. "Moore's not special, it's all just coincidence," says a philosopher who is also named Jacque Fraidso.
Who can we believe? Is the eReader authentic, but the poem a hoax? Or vice versa? Or are both phony? The scholars may never reach consensus, but they all agree on this point: Zondervan's "Load Your eReader Sale" is quite real, and you can see for yourself at http://zndr.vn/s8klMl. [Update: Sale ended on 1/2/2012.]
An Excerpt from the Poem in Question, "Twas Christmas Vaction"
Twas Christmas vacation and all through the edifice,
Ev'ry creature was enjoying their eReading-device.
I e'en placed a Kindle Fire in the chimney with care,
And we all shared a good laugh at the visual pun there!
Later the kids nestled all snug in their places,
iPhone and iPad screens alighting their faces.
And Mamma with her Kindle and I with my Nook,
Were settling our brains in our favorite eBooks.
When up on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter…
[Several of the next stanzas are identical to the version we all know. Major changes begin again with the appearance of St. Nick:]
No bundle of Toys had St. Nick on his back,
He just browsed on a tablet, clicking this, clicking that.
Without speaking a word he visited zndr.vn/s8klMl
And purchased eBooks and Bibles for his reincamels,
Plus several kids' books for the children in my family,
And nonfiction for Mamma, and some novels for me.
From the roof we heard reincamels twinkling their toes,
And St. Nick laid his finger aside of his nose,
He gave me a nod, and up the chimney he rose!
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he flew out of view,
"Happy Christmas to all, and good reading to you!"
- Adam Forrest, Zondervan Internet Team
|Visit the "Load Your eReader" eBook and Bible Sale|
About Clement Clarke Moore
Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863) was an American college and seminary professor who allegedly composed the poem "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Moore may or may not have invented primitive eReaders, traveled through time, or witnessed the rare reincamel. If you possess any information on these matters, please leave a comment on this post.
(Hey, is this post true? The "Load Your eReader Sale" was a valid sale available through January 2, 2012. Everything else in this post should be taken as a work of fiction, as satire for entertainment only. This post does not represent the views of Zondervan or any of its representatives; the writer's opinions are his own. Pictures are used at the courtesy of Wikemedia Commons and its creative commons license. To receive new blogposts in your reader or email inbox, subscribe to Zondervan Blog.)